Friday, August 14, 2009

Worst Birthday Present Ever

Guess what? Tomorrow I will be 8 years old! Man, I thought I had just turned 7, I can't believe another year just went by.

So far my birthday week has been pretty good, I've gone for walks up to the pond, I've gotten lots of tasty treats, my humans have given me cuddles... It's all been good, until this happened.

I've just gotten my birthday present... and let me tell ya... It's horrible! I don't like it, not one bit. Okay, maybe I liked it for the first 5 minutes... but now... after hours of no success... this is the worst birthday present EVER!

Guys, seriously. Don't ever get one of these "toys".

Okay, let me tell you about it... Basically, it's a hard plastic bottle, and it has a spikey thing over the opening on the end, and there's a rope toy going through the hole in the spikey thing that goes into the bottle. It's called, a Tug-A-Jug (though I'd personally rather call it, Kill-The-Stupid-Bottle). See, it looks like this...



Now, that looks interesting, doesn't it? Well here's the first problem. See the rope... it's halfway in the bottle, and inside it's tied in a knot so you can't pull it out! How frustrating is that?! Hold on, it gets worse...

Whatever human made up this toy must be sick. You won't believe this... but the humans are supposed to put tasty food inside that bottle! That's right, I said FOOD. And we, as dogs, are supposed to try getting the food out of the bottle... out from that teeny tiny hole that's already plugged up with the stupid rope and spikey thingy!

Do you have any idea how HARD that is?! Guys, this is a torture toy. You spend hours "playing" with this bottle on a rope, trying with all your might to get those tasty treats from inside... And maybe one pops out. But that one little treat is enough to give you the motivation and energy to work on that bottle for abother 2 hours, before finally one more tiny morsel pops out. So you waste your entire day trying to open up that bottle, and what do you get? Maybe 6 teensy treats. This is insane!!

I've worked so hard to get out these treats, it's not funny anymore. Guys, my whole life has gone into this bottle, all those treats are right there before my very eyes... And I just can't reach them. Ya know, it's sort of like seeing a fire hydrant on the other side of the fence. It's more than I can handle...

And me, a big boy at 8 years old, broke down crying. The humans are getting annoyed by my crying now. Maybe if I keep it up, they'll take back the toy and exchange it for something new and not quite so bad.

video


Yes, the video ends abrubtly once I start freaking out and barking at my human. She had to turn off the camera and comfort me before I'd do something bad, like turn into some sort of mad dog, out to kill everything and everyone in my way.

There's so much more I can say about this horrible "toy", but talking about it only makes me angrier. I just wanted to warn you guys to watch out... The Tug-A-Jugs are out to get us. Beware, no matter what other humans say, these things will eventually lead you to frustration and anger, perhaps depression, and will drive you completely and utterly insane.

I hope all of you guys will get better birthday presents than I ever did this year.

29 comments:

Deefor said...

Happy Barkday Sparky
I felt so bad for you with that horrible toy. Too bad you can't smash it with a rock. There's a fine line between keeping busy with a toy and going crazy.

Maggie and Mitch said...

OMG, we came to wish you a happy birthday, Sparky, and we see that you're having a frustrating day! That's not allowed on your birthday! Kick that toy under the couch and save it for another day! We hope you'll be having treats and ice cream today!
Our mom has seen that toy in the store before but never bought it. We'll make sure we tell her to just forget about it! Thanks for the heads-up!

Love ya lots
Maggie and Mitch

The Thundering Herd said...

This is where having brothers and sisters can be very helpful. We can each grab one part of it and destroy it within seconds. Ok, that is followed by a mad scrambling for treats, but that would teach the humans.

Jan's Funny Farm said...

We sure hope Jan never buys us one of those torture bottles. We want our treats!

Buddy, Merci & Sam

Agatha and Archie said...

Happy Birthday darling boy..Call us on Aggies cell we have the game all figured out and can get the cookies quickly..call now..Love A+A

Teddy said...

Oh poor Sparky!! What a rip-off birthday present. I can see the anguish in your face and it breaks my heart. I hope your humans relented and gave you a big pile of free treats to console you.

I hope you were able to have a happy birthday anyway.

Teddy

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

Sparky!

That toy had to have been part of the SkhwirrelANDKhat plot to overthrow the world!

It made me khry just watching woo...and then hearing woo...well, I've not rekhovered yet!

Happy Birfday My Perky Pal!

NOW, I hope woo get a REAL toy!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

Mango the Maltese kiddo said...

Happy 8th Barkday Sparky.
Wishing you the next 365 years filled with love, treats, toys and excitement!
Love ya, you're one of the first few friends who came to give me a big welcome last year when I just learned how to blog!

Gus, Louie and Callie said...

Happy Birthday Sparky.
Have them take that terrible toy back. It is just wrong...

Big Sloppy Kisses
Gus, Louie and Callie

Abby said...

Hi, Sparky...

First of all...

Happy Barkday to you...
Happy Barkday to you...
Happy Barkday, Dear Sparky...
Happy Barkday, to you...

That toy is just awful...It sure won't be on my Christmas List...

You should get your human to take it right back to wherever she got it...

It's just not right...

Abby xxxooo

Lorenza said...

Happy Birthday, Sparky!
I felt so sorry watching you in the video trying to get the treats from that toy!
I hope you can get another and much better toy!
Kisses and hugs
Lorenza

Noah the Airedale said...

Oh dear Sparky. We sure hope your birthday ended better than it started. How frustrating for you.
Did you ever get the treats out matie?

Happy birthday from your pals down under.

Noah Willow Tess Lucy

Thor said...

Happy Birthday Sparky!!

xoxo
Thor

Asta said...

HAPPY BIWFDAY DEAWEST SPAWKY!!!!!!
I hate that toy..I was cwying along wif you..cwying on youw Biwfday yet..what howwow.
I wish I could come ovew and teaw that stoopid "toy" apawt fow you and welease all the tweats into youw pwecious little mouf.
I hope things impwove tomowwow and you get exackly the tweats and toys you want and that make you sing wif joy!
tons of smoochie kisses
ASTA

Ruby Red Dog said...

Aw Sparky, that's terrible! Try throwing it on the hard floor a few more times. Maybe it will crack open.
Woofs,
Ruby

happy said...

Happy Barkday Sparky! That's quite a challenging present you've got there hehe.

Bae Bae said...

Happy birthday Sparky
And that toy sure looks evil for making you frustrated..

~ Bae

Huskee and Hershey said...

Happy Happy Barkday to you Sparky!
I don't have that toy but reading the way you described it, I'll have to agree that it is a BAAAAAD toy. My barkday is this Sun and I hope my mom doesn't get any ideas.. uhhh ohhh..

Fred said...

Terrible toy!!! Good luck destroying it!
And happy birthday. :P

Eric said...

Sparky Barky happy Birthday. I'm feline so bad for you...know why? I have that bleeep*** toy too!! Now I love all my other treat balls and games and stuff and can do em easy peasy but that thing grrrrrrrrr. You gotta ignore it Sparky cos I can't bear to see you do any more of that sad crying.

Now I ignore don't even care about the treats inside.. But if you do call Aggs on her celly ask her what the trick is can you?

Wiry loves and kisses Eric xxxx

Lady Kaos said...

That looks like a horrible toy! Thanks for letting us know about it!
Kaos

Dozer and Coop said...

I have one of these and make Mum fill it or make Dad play tug-of-war with it. I think it is a corgi thing but we love them.

Moco said...

Thanks for the warning. We had better never see one of those at our house.
Happy Birthday to you.

Charlie said...

Happy Birthday, Sparky! I'll be over in a flash and we'll chew the bottom off that stupid bottle. Not to worry... I have BIG teeth.
- Charlie

Jemma the Chihuahua said...

I can't believe we missed this! Happy Belated Birthday, Sparky!! That toy does sound like torture, oh my. But you are very persistent. I would've given up after not even an hour!

parlance said...

Sparky, I hope the rest of your birthday was more fun.

Penny wants me to tell you she has this toy and has lots of fun with it, though we never let her have it when we're not there to watch, as she flings it around by the rope and we have to watch she doesn't break things in the house.

The way Penny learned to use it was that we held the bottle part and played tug-of-war with it (maybe you call it "tug") and when the rope goes in and out the LITTLE treats fall out with the movement of the rope.

Penny wants to tell you the secret is to use small, flat treats that can easily fit out the hole. And to use LOTS of treats the first couple of times, so there is lots of success.

Good luck with it. It's a actually a fun toy.

parlance said...

Sparky, here's a clip of Penny playing with it the first time.
http://mydog-parlance.blogspot.com/2008/02/fun-new-problem-solving-toy-for-dogs.html

Kayla and Maebe said...

Happy Barkday Sparky!
Sorry to hear about the crummy present. Hopefully your humans will do better next year.

WOOOOO woo rar rar rar, Kayla and Maebe

Wild Dingo said...

Uh...Sparky... doesn't look like you're "workin" too hard at that tug-a-jug. nah...looks like you're workin' really hard at complainin' and whinin' at your human!