Worst Birthday Present Ever

Guess what? Tomorrow I will be 8 years old! Man, I thought I had just turned 7, I can't believe another year just went by.

So far my birthday week has been pretty good, I've gone for walks up to the pond, I've gotten lots of tasty treats, my humans have given me cuddles... It's all been good, until this happened.

I've just gotten my birthday present... and let me tell ya... It's horrible! I don't like it, not one bit. Okay, maybe I liked it for the first 5 minutes... but now... after hours of no success... this is the worst birthday present EVER!

Guys, seriously. Don't ever get one of these "toys".

Okay, let me tell you about it... Basically, it's a hard plastic bottle, and it has a spikey thing over the opening on the end, and there's a rope toy going through the hole in the spikey thing that goes into the bottle. It's called, a Tug-A-Jug (though I'd personally rather call it, Kill-The-Stupid-Bottle). See, it looks like this...

Now, that looks interesting, doesn't it? Well here's the first problem. See the rope... it's halfway in the bottle, and inside it's tied in a knot so you can't pull it out! How frustrating is that?! Hold on, it gets worse...

Whatever human made up this toy must be sick. You won't believe this... but the humans are supposed to put tasty food inside that bottle! That's right, I said FOOD. And we, as dogs, are supposed to try getting the food out of the bottle... out from that teeny tiny hole that's already plugged up with the stupid rope and spikey thingy!

Do you have any idea how HARD that is?! Guys, this is a torture toy. You spend hours "playing" with this bottle on a rope, trying with all your might to get those tasty treats from inside... And maybe one pops out. But that one little treat is enough to give you the motivation and energy to work on that bottle for abother 2 hours, before finally one more tiny morsel pops out. So you waste your entire day trying to open up that bottle, and what do you get? Maybe 6 teensy treats. This is insane!!

I've worked so hard to get out these treats, it's not funny anymore. Guys, my whole life has gone into this bottle, all those treats are right there before my very eyes... And I just can't reach them. Ya know, it's sort of like seeing a fire hydrant on the other side of the fence. It's more than I can handle...

And me, a big boy at 8 years old, broke down crying. The humans are getting annoyed by my crying now. Maybe if I keep it up, they'll take back the toy and exchange it for something new and not quite so bad.

Yes, the video ends abrubtly once I start freaking out and barking at my human. She had to turn off the camera and comfort me before I'd do something bad, like turn into some sort of mad dog, out to kill everything and everyone in my way.

There's so much more I can say about this horrible "toy", but talking about it only makes me angrier. I just wanted to warn you guys to watch out... The Tug-A-Jugs are out to get us. Beware, no matter what other humans say, these things will eventually lead you to frustration and anger, perhaps depression, and will drive you completely and utterly insane.

I hope all of you guys will get better birthday presents than I ever did this year.