Friday, September 21, 2007

A Post from a Cat

Hello. I am smart. The stupid mutt doesn't know that I knew he has a blog. But I do know, because I have watched him when he thinks no one is watching. I know his e-mail. I know his password. I know everything. And, I know that he shouldn't be the only one allowed to have a blog.
The mutt is sleeping right now. He doesn't know where I am. Or what I am doing.
Let me introduce myself. I am White Cat. I am also known as Smudge Pudge. Fatso. Beluga. Fat Cat. Kitty Cow. Blubber Boy. Fatty. Chief Big Fat. Please only call me White Cat. I do not much like my nicknames.

I am the eldest of the animals that live with my people. I am also the smartest. And the wisest. I like to sleep in roads. I do not move when cars come. People have to get out of their cars and pick me up and carry me to the side of the road. Why do they do that? I do not like to be disturbed when I am sleeping on the road. Naughty people.
I like food. I eat cat food. I eat human food. I eat dog food. I eat the neighbor's cat food. I steal neighbor's dough nuts. Once I almost stole the neighbor's fish. But I got caught.
I am not afraid of dogs. If they chase me, I sit down. Dogs are too scared to come too close to me. Some do. I give them a new nose. A bloody new nose. If dogs do not bug me, I won't hurt them. If you blogging dogs don't bug me, I might be your friend.
Sparky is funny. He's dumb. Well, maybe not dumb for a dog. But a lot dumber than cats. I like to-

HEY! NO ONE PAY ATTENTION TO THE CAT. I don't know how he did it! How'd he get my password? How did he know I have a blog? This is horrible! He's gonna take over the whole thing! I need to-

Shove over mutt. I'm trying to blog here. Sorry 'bout that, everdog. Looks like the mutt woke up. As I was saying-

I AM NOT A MUTT! Wait, I am a mutt, but my name isn't mutt! I am Sparky! Do you hear that, Fatso?

Don't call me that. I do not like my nicknames. Dumb Dog.

I am not dumb! Someone, help me here! I've got to get rid of the cat! He's gonna-

Quiet down, mutt. Just go away. Let me finish my post. I have claws, you know. I can use them.

No! Don't use them! Okay, fine, finish your post, as long as you don't use your claws on me! But hurry up!

Fine. I won't use my claws. But before I finish, you have to apologize for calling me a fatso.

Only if you apologize for calling me mutt and dumb dog.

Fine. Sorry for calling you mutt and dumb dog. But that doesn't mean I will never call you mutt and dumb dog again.

Sorry for calling you Fatso. But if you are mean to me anymore, I'll still call you Fatso!

Okay, now let me finish my post. Um... I think that's all I had to say. I guess I'm finished. I'll be back, though. This is not that last you've heard from White Cat.

YES! He's gone! I have my blog to myself again! I hope he doesn't come back anytime soon. FATSO! Heh heh. Well, anyway, Ruby tagged me to to tell you what kind of vehicle I think I am. I
have to think of what type of vehicle my personality most resembles. Well, I don't know much about cars, but if I were a car I think I would be a Jaguar! They're cool and speedy.

I don't have enough time to tag anyone to tell about what kind of car they would be. So, if you want to be tagged, you're tagged! Have a good weekend everydog!


Sophie Brador said...

I think I like White Cat, except for one thing. Never underestimate the intelligence of the mutt! I am a mutt, and I am pretty darn smart. Well, I'm pretty. And I'm smart. I'm not sure I'm darn, though.

Asta said...

White cat sounds vewy scawy..claws????be vewy caweful my sweet have a pawfectly lovely name and it isn't mutt!
smoochie kisses

Simba said...

Kill the cat, kill the cat. Mummy says that mean, ok, chase the cat, chase the cat.

Simba x

ToFFee said...

you White Fatso Cat!

Stop threatening our Sparky! and don't dare call Sparky a mutt.. you big blob of a cat!

you may have claws but don't forget we have sharp teeth!


TH said...

Sparky, shows white cat who is that it orders! He doesnt to call you mutt. Your name is beautiful!

TH said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frasier said...

Hi Sparky
I like white Cat though My doggyness will make me mess with you!!

Lorenza said...

Hi, Sparky
White cat is scary!! If you want we all can give him a lesson!!
I like your car choice... a Jaguar... sure the name tells all!
Have a good night

T-man said...

Ooh, that white cat looks like my Aunt Sara. She's a flame-point Siamese. Fortunately, she doesn't have access to my computer!

Your white cat sounds kind of pushy. Sparky, keep sticking up for yourself. You don't need to answer to any cat!!


triple B's said...

hey Sparky, we like your vehicle, but we're kind of scared of White Cat. he sounds scary and kind of mean, with those claws and all. we don't want new noses. we're gonna go now.

Pacco de Mongrel said...

nice meeting fatso....btw, do he lives with u??

Ruby Bleu said...

Wow...that cat is SCAWIE!!! be careful Sparky!!! hey, I love your car you!!!

Lots of Licks, Ruby

Amber-Mae said...

Hey Fatso aka White Cat, get off Sparky's blog! This is his blog & leave him alone will ya!? If you don't, I will come over you & errr, will swallow you whole! I'm serious...

Love licks,
Solid Gold Dancer

Momo :) said...

Sparky, Sparky!!! Who was that??? White cat???? That sounds scary!!

Momo xoxo

Butchy & Snickers said...

Hey Sparky,
Tell White Cat, ooops, we mean Fatso to leave you alone. Tell him you'll grind off his nails next time he is sleeping, hehehehehe! That'll teach him to steal your blog & call you names.
We love Jaguar cars, they are way cool just like you Sparky!
Luv & Wirey Hugs!
Butchy & Snickers

Melissa said...

LOL Sparky you really told that cat!!! Thanks for stopping by our blog! We do like our new house, probably about the same as the old one though.
China & Madie

Girl Girl Hamster said...

Hello white cat, if I'm nice to you, will you be nice back to me? I hope you got back your bloggie Sparky

~ Girl girl

serendipity said...

Oh boy, if White Cat gets more catty, Sparks will be flying soon LOL

Charlie said...

Woof!! If White Cat gives you any more trouble, Sparky, we won't call him Fatso anymore, we'll call him "history"!
- Charlie

Max Dex said...

Hieya white cat. I hate the cats in my neighbourhood and I bark like mad until the Missy has to come down and shut me up. No FUN!

But you are different. The cats at my place...are like duuhhhh...but yoouu....I like.

Huskee Boy said...

This is one of the funniest post I have ever read, Sparky!!

Hey Fatso, Don't you dare to be mean to Sparky!! I'll.. I'll.. ummm.. I'll sit on you??! Ok probably not cos I will be too terrified of your claws. Truce?!

Ben_Benjamin said...

Get lost you Fatso!!!! Leave Sparky alone. You are a bad bad cat like my Milky gal. She tried to steal my blog too. Bad Cat!!!!

Nugget said...

Oh man Sparky, White Cat sounds like a Beagle with his food stealing abilities!


PreciOus said...

Argh Sparky! You have a very fierce cat in your house. Bad White Cat, bad kitty!


2shibas said...

What that Fat Cat did to you is deplorable. Change all your passwords immediately and try to file the claws down next time he's sleeping in the road.

Cats are so self-righteous, aren't they? They think they're so much smarter than us dogs, but I don't see any dogs sleeping in the road! Take THAT Fatso.

We totally have your back, Sparky. Be strong!

Wiley & Fievel

Sophia and Abby said...

Hi Spawky
That cat sounds scary. I like mutts! My big sisters - who went to doggie heaven - was a mutt and my new puppy sister is a mutt too. They are the bestest.

ROSSI said...

oh.. shoosh. cat.. shoosh.. !!.. sparky buddy.. pls be more aware of this cunning white cat!.. he is so cunning..

btw, i finally have a brother..


fee said...

hello white cat, you have a very beautiful hat and you sound mysterious. are you a magician too? please be nice to sparky, won't you? he's our good friend!


Super Boy & Baby-Licious said...

***whispering*** Sparky, the white fatty is really scawy.

Boy n Baby

g9ine said...

Don't you find it interesting that you are Jaguar - a black cat? I would've guessed a Dogdge.

Stanley said...


LOve your veh choice. You are fast an sleek just like a jaguar, but you're at least fluffy and cuddly too.

What are you gonna do to Fatso for hijacking your blog? Can't wait to hear.

Goober love,

Charlie dog said...

cYesterday upon the stair
I met a cat who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
Guess I just chased that cat away!

Send me a peemail and I'll be round to lick white cat into submission!!!

Charlie boy